“Bush is denying reports today that he plans to invade Iran. Oh, we’re still going to invade, we just don’t have any plans.”
–Jay Leno

“President Bush had dinner last night with the French President Jacques Chirac and in one, kind of awkward moment, President Chirac gave Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower and Bush said ‘Oh this is great a little oil rig! I love it!’”
–Jay Leno

“The White House announced they are looking for a new chef. The candidate must be able to prepare formal dinners, serve meals to the president and make a good choo choo noise.”
–Conan O’Brien

“President Bush is in Europe. He’s going to Brussels, he’s going to Germany, and then he’s going to Amsterdam to get some primo weed.”
–David Letterman

“Amid this stuff with Jeff Gannon what is our new Attorney General Alberto Gonzales doing as his first act of office — going after the porn industry. … Apparently this is the guy who is pro-torture but anti-porn. You can put somebody on a leash and wag wieners in his face but don’t film it.”
–Bill Maher

“It’s been reported that in the event of an emergency situation with North Korea the U.S. is prepared to send 70% of the Marine Corps to the region. According to President Bush this will still allow us to send another 70% to Iran and keep our other 70% in Iraq.”
–Tina Fey